end-of-life planning – Retirementally Challenged

Creating a Digital Estate Plan – Social Media

This is the fourth post in my series, Organizing My Life, my ongoing project to create a roadmap for when I am no longer in the driver’s seat.

There it was. Mixed in with various Facebook posts about exotic vacations, family celebrations, and funny memes, was a notice of a friend’s passing. She had moved away several years ago and, although we weren’t especially close, we had stayed in sporadic touch via social media. I had no idea that she was even sick.

This was the third time in several years that I have learned of a friend’s death via Facebook. In each case, the woman’s husband had shared the sad news on his wife’s account. As tough as it must have been to write that post, I was grateful to have been notified.

As part of my ongoing Organizing My Life project, I have set up a password manager and made lists of various accounts and important contact information. What I hadn’t thought about were my social media accounts and what should be done with them when I’m no longer, shall we say, socially active. While my neglected Instagram and little used BlueSky and Pinterest accounts could probably be left to wither in the ether, what about my Facebook account and this blog? I imagine that they could be left open and untended, but have you ever received a Facebook birthday reminder from a friend who you know has died? It’s kind of creepy.

So, how would I like these accounts managed after I’m gone? Would I like one final message posted on Facebook before my account is deleted? My husband knows many of my friends but certainly not all of them and a Facebook post could help ease his burden to let people know. If I would like him – or whoever is managing my estate – to post a notice, is that something I’d like to write myself beforehand? How long do I want the message to be visible before shutting down my account?

How about this blog? Some bloggers just suddenly vanish, leaving their followers to wonder what happened. Others have found solace in the blogging community and have continued to write despite their illness. A final message posted by a loved one is one we never want to see, but again, I am grateful to be notified. Like Facebook, the wording of the message and how long to keep the account active needs to be considered.

Obviously, there is no right or wrong answer, but it’s something to think about and discuss with my husband. He doesn’t have a blog and isn’t on Facebook so, if I want him to post a notification, I’d have to clue him in on the process. Alternatively, I could designate a friend who is more familiar with these platforms to be the one to post a notice.

How about you? Have you thought about how you’d like your various social media accounts to be handled when you can no longer manage them? (In addition to the three I mentioned, other platforms might include Twitter, LinkedIn, TikTok, Snapchat, etc.) Documenting clear instructions for each one ensures that they are managed as you wish.

Previous posts in the series:

Organizing My Life

Organizing Passwords and Other Secret Codes

What would you Grab if you had to Go?

Organizing My Life

If you are like many of us who have reached a certain age, your focus is on acquiring less and purging more. Paring down, organizing, and decluttering has become the mantra of many retirees who are interested in de-stuffifying their homes. As you are off-loading what you don’t want, have you also considered organizing what is left so that someone can easily manage your affairs if/when you can’t?

My husband and I have had several wake-up calls recently that have prompted us to take action. Over the past year, several friends and family members have experienced major illnesses and other physical or mental declines. One recent death in particular, where the surviving partner was left with a mess of papers and little documentation, made us realize the importance of organizing our information now for when we are no longer around.

Before so much of our lives were online, gathering the necessary documents and financial data was a fairly simple task. Now, not only are many of these documents digitized somewhere in some cloud, but there are multiple passwords, PINs, secret codes, social media accounts, online subscriptions, etc. that need to be considered. Think about the family member or friend taking over for you; without a roadmap, they probably wouldn’t know where to start.

There are various tools available to help organize your information. I’ll cover a few of them in a future post.

I’ve been doing a lot of reading and online research to help create that roadmap. Since we established our Trust years ago (note to self: it’s time to get it updated), my main focus will be on organizing information not contained in that document. A project like this can be time-consuming and feel overwhelming so I’ve broken it down into doable chunks to be tackled over several months. Since others may have a similar project, I will share my progress from time-to-time as I work through my list:

Organize passwords and codes
Create an estate blueprint
Document Home Operating Systems
Make a list of important contacts
Update Trust and write Letter of Last Instructions
Document any debt, credit, and insurance
Create my Personal Medical Journal
Create a Digital Estate Plan
Document personal possessions to distribute
Write an Ethical Will
Plan for what happens next

I get that most people feel uncomfortable thinking about their mortality. I’m healthy and active now so I’d rather not think about it either. But, after seeing a loved one struggle with legal and logistical issues while dealing with her profound grief, I don’t want to put anyone through that experience. I expect, like decluttering my home, I will feel much better when I’m done. I also imagine that the person managing my estate will appreciate that I organized my life and left them a roadmap.

Life’s a Beech

This post, with a few tweaks and updates, first appeared on my blog in 2014.

Like many people our age have done, my husband and I drafted our living trust, wills, durable powers of attorney, and advance health care directives. Over the last few years, we have witnessed the rapid deterioration in the health of some family members and friends, so we wanted to get this done while we are both in good physical and mental health. We do what we can to stay healthy but we don’t fool ourselves into thinking it can’t happen to us. Even if we live to 90 or beyond, these documents will be necessary to assure that our wishes are carried out.

Creating these documents was serious and time-consuming. There were a lot of details to think about and financial decisions to be made. I found the most enjoyable part of the process was determining where our assets will go once we were both gone. Since we have no children, we happily specified a few charities that are near and dear to our hearts. One decision that I had difficulty with was deciding what I want done with my remains. Although cremation is a given, where do I want my ashes to go?

When my mother passed away in 2000, I was relieved to discover that she and my father had made funeral arrangements many years previously. Because of this, my brothers and I weren’t faced with the burden of trying to guess what she would have wanted. It was a generous and loving act that we appreciated again when my father died several years later. Their ashes now lay side-by-side in a columbarium overlooking the Pacific Ocean.

After doing some research, I found the answer to my dilemma: tree urns. Planting commemorative trees is a practice that has been around for a while, but I discovered that there is a way I can actually become part of a tree once I am gone.

There are several companies that sell these urns, which contain all the items necessary for the process (“just add ashes!”): Bios Urns, EterniTrees, Spirit Trees, Peotrees, are a few that I found. The prices vary, but the concept is pretty much the same: one’s ashes are mixed with planting soil, nutrients, and a tree seed. Since ashes contain phosphorous, they contribute to the healthy growth of the tree. How great is that?! I have always considered myself a tree-hugger, but now I can actually nourish the tree. Rather than becoming post-consumer (as in me, the consumer) waste, I can contribute healthy Co₂ to the atmosphere for many years to come.

Most of the companies that sell tree urns offer a choice of seeds. Beech, maple, and oak are a few of the options listed on one website. Living – and most likely dying – in Southern California, I’d probably choose a tree that’s drought resistant. Or, maybe a citrus. A lime tree, perhaps, so my tree’s fruit could be blended into pitchers of margaritas or muddled to make a mojito.

Since we are pretty sure we can’t take it with us, my husband and I intend to spend most of our assets having fun in our retirement (sorry, designated charities), leaving just enough for a heck of a Celebration of Life party for our friends. Although I’d like to think we will leave the world a better place, most likely our names won’t be remembered by generations far into the future, nor will they be engraved on a plaque or noted in a text.

Maybe my ashes could be used to propagate a tree planted in our back yard. Becoming a tree – a symbol of eternal life in many cultures – will allow me to live on, providing some beauty, a little shade, and perhaps adding a refreshing zest to the drinks of future homeowners. I hope they will raise a toast to my memory.