Health and Happiness – Retirementally Challenged

Reclaiming My Happy Place

Something has been missing from my world lately. Normally a bright-sider optimist, I have found myself feeling worried and uncertain and it has dampened my mood, affected my sleep, and sapped some of the joy from my life. My Happy Place has been infiltrated by uninvited squatters, and I want to get it back.

I know that I’m not alone; many bloggers I follow have written about their feelings of anxiety and discomfort. In fact, Jo’s post this morning has prompted me to finish writing down the thoughts that I’ve been struggling with for a few weeks now.

How do I maintain my optimism when there is so much to be concerned about? Burying my head in the sand just isn’t in my DNA but I also realize that there is only so much I can do that has an impact: email, call, donate, support, resist. Worrying, losing sleep, and doom-scrolling aren’t healthy or helpful.

I’m lucky. There are many things in my life that are pleasurable, positive, and bring me joy. Connecting with others through my blog is one of them. I haven’t felt like writing lately – every topic seemed so trivial in face of current events – but I miss the sharing and positive interactions with the blogosphere. I realize now that evicting the squatters and reclaiming my Happy Place can be my small, personal form of resistance.

Tucson sunset.
As Jo wrote about her photo of the Eastern Algarve shoreline that she shared in her post: “I look at this photo and I’m filled with wonder at the breathless beauty of our world.”

Looking Back on 2024

Another trip around the sun and here we are on the last day of 2024. Even though I haven’t made New Years resolutions in years and even coming up with a Word of the Year seems like too much pressure, it’s always fun to think about the possibilities in the year ahead.

But, before I turn to the first page of my brand new paper (yes, paper) calendar for 2025, I thought I’d spend a moment looking back on the year that will soon be over.

Travel

2024 was the year of Road Trips for us. An airplane gets you from Point A to Point B faster, but you miss so many interesting sights and memorable moments when you are in the air.

In the spring, we spent about five weeks traveling from the west coast of California to the east coast of North Carolina and back, visiting friends and family along the way.

We headed in a different direction at the end of July, driving north through California, Oregon, and Washington before crossing the border into Canada. Just like on our spring trip, this 6-week adventure included many interesting stops along the way as well as meetups with friends and family.

In October, we took a much shorter road trip up to Los Angeles to see family and explore the area. Our hotel was located downtown where there is a fascinating mixture of old and new, historical and modern, and decay and renewal.

Blogger Meetups

The year began with a lunch date with Terri (the first blogger I ever met in person, back in 2016) and a new-to-me blogger, Cheryl.

At the beginning of our spring road trip, we spent a couple of days in Tucson, Arizona, visiting Kathy and Thom. We saw them again in June, when they hosted us at their mountain cabin, and then again on our summer road trip to Canada.

And, speaking of our trip to Canada, it was Bloggerpalooza on Vancouver Island, where Donna, Deb, and Judith (who no longer blogs) demonstrated why Canadians get their reputation for being so welcoming and nice. We had a wonderful time hiking, chatting, attending concerts, chatting, exploring, hanging out, and chatting.

Ups

There were lots of ups in 2024, including having a backyard view of a few satellite launches, which provided quite a show as they streamed across the sky.

… and Downs

Three friends – a previous work colleague, a neighbor, and a friend that I had lost touch with – passed away in 2024. All were close to me in age. A sad reminder of the frailty of life.

Looking Ahead

We have a few travel possibilities for 2025. One is booked, the other two are in the preliminary planning stages. Our 2025 calendar already has several events, gatherings, and celebrations noted and I look forward to what the year will bring.

Thank you for following my blog, reading, and commenting. I wish all of you a happy and healthy 2025 full of grand adventures.

You can see more end-of-year wrap-ups by visiting Terri’s blog, Second Wind Leisure Perspective. It’s not too late to add your own!

Rethinking My January Blues

Even though it’s my birth month, I’ve never been a big fan of January. When I was young, I envied those who had summer birthdays and could celebrate with a pool party, beach bash, or an outdoor BBQ. Because my birthday closely follows the holiday season, people are pretty much over it by then, and in no mood to celebrate. After the big run-up to Christmas (that now begins as early as October), January can feel like a bit of a letdown, a sad gray month with little to get excited about.

In the Northern Hemisphere, January is known for low temps and dreary weather, the winter doldrums. Even though it doesn’t snow where we live, January is often our coldest and wettest month. February can be cold and wet too, but at least it has the good sense to last only 28 days, as opposed to January’s 31.

Recently, an article in The New York Times by Steven Kurutz has me rethinking my dislike of January. Reading his homage to the month, I began to realize that it’s actually the lack of much going on that makes it wonderful. There are fewer crowds and even fewer social obligations. There is less traffic on the roads and not as many people in stores and restaurants.

Just last night, as we drove to meet friends for dinner, my husband remarked about how little traffic there was. When we got to the restaurant, we were seated right away in an outdoor courtyard near some space heaters. We were warm and cozy and enjoyed a nice leisurely dinner with our friends, not feeling the least bit rushed so the table could be turned for the next guests.

January has a slower rhythm that allows us to relax, reflect, and rejuvenate. The cold weather is often a great excuse to spend time indoors organizing, decluttering, making soup, or just cuddling up with a good book. It’s a month made for introverts.

I no longer wish I could have a beach party or BBQ on my birthday. As the days slowly lengthen – we gain about a half an hour of daylight over the course of the month – I know there will be plenty of opportunities for outdoor celebrations when the weather warms up. For now, I’m happy to enjoy the sense of calm that January brings, allowing me to breathe again.

My husband’s caramelized orange cheesecake is the only birthday gift I need.

This post is linked to the monthly What’s Been on Your Calendar? linkup hosted by Donna, Deb, Jo, and Sue.

Time Keeps on Ticking…

It is hard to believe that so many years had passed since graduating, but when the invitation to my 50^th high school reunion appeared in my inbox, reality set in. I am still friends with a lot of my classmates – many since grade school, even one who I met while still in diapers – so I’ve seen us age through the years. I can’t deny how the march of time has changed us physically, but most of us are still active and engaged. We aren’t all retired but for the most part, those who still work choose to because they are excited about what they do.

I know that some people don’t have fond memories of high school and the last thing they want to do is get together with their former classmates. But, for me, last weekend’s event was an opportunity to catch up. We had a large graduating class, and a good number came to the reunion. It wasn’t possible to talk to everybody I wanted to, but it was nice to see everyone have a good time. There was a lot of gray hair, multiple bald heads, and a few walkers and canes but, despite that, I thought most of us looked pretty good.

I went to grade school with all of these lovely women.

Just like at my husband’s 50^th last year, there was an In Memoriam display with the pictures of over 60 classmates who had died since graduation. Some I was aware of; others came as a shock. When we graduated from high school, most of us looked forward to our futures with excitement. No one on the display could foresee the diseases, accidents, drugs, or inner struggles that took them way too early.

I count myself as one of the lucky ones. My health is decent, I haven’t experienced many significant life setbacks, I have an abundance of friends, and I have a good marriage. I also know that any of those could change in the blink of an eye. As we’ve recently seen from tragic events occurring around the world, we are not always in complete control of our lives.

When I graduated at age 17, I was anxious to go to college and start my passage into adulthood. Now, 50 years later, I look back at my journey with gratitude. Gosh knows I made mistakes, not everything was (or is) perfect, but it’s been pretty darn good. And the great thing is that I’m still a work in progress; I continue to have lots to learn and adventures to experience.

I hope that when the invitation comes for my 60^th reunion in 2033, I will still be skipping down that path.

Check out the What’s Been on My Calendar link-up to see what others have been up to this month.

GratiTuesday: A Chance to Reassess

I just paid our latest credit card balance online. Nothing unusual about that. The balance was a little less than normal, but then it normally fluctuates throughout the year, depending on travel, annual payment due dates, and household purchases. What caught my eye was the line-by-line list of credits and expenses.

First, the credits. In addition to last month’s payment, there were two credits for events that we had signed-up for but were cancelled. Both were annual gatherings we had been looking forward to, but each fell victim to the virus. Although I am grateful that we received full refunds, I feel sorry for all the people who had put so much time, effort, and money planning the events only to have them cancelled.

Please don’t judge us by the relative size of the boxes.

Now, the purchases. Almost every one of them were for items that were delivered to our home – either electronically (like Netflix and our digital subscription to the New York Times), or were brought by truck. Amazon made the bulk of the deliveries, but food items were a close second. There also may have been a few deliveries of wine.

Our credit card statements from just a few months prior look completely different. I guess I had never really examined the statements before; once I verified all charges, I paid the balanced and moved on. Now, looking closer, I can see some interesting patterns.

As expected, most of our purchases from before were made in person. I was surprised, though, how often we went to various grocery and big box stores. Missing a specific ingredient for a meal or need an item for a project? No problem. Because most of these stores are just a few miles away, it was easy to get in the car and pop over. And, if these errands happened to occur around lunchtime (which they often did for some incomprehensible reason) why not stop for a bite to eat?

Although I don’t consider myself a big clothes shopper – especially since I retired – I apparently liked to visit those types of stores now and then ( 🙂 ). Not a lot – and the purchases were fairly moderate – but enough that it made me wonder what exactly I was buying things for. It’s not like my closet is in danger of emptying out anytime soon.

There has been a lot of discussion about possible positive changes our society might make after all this is over. Although I don’t hold out a lot of hope for world peace and the end of greed and corruption, I am grateful that our credit card bill has revealed a few personal changes I’d like to make.

I don’t miss all the running around doing errands, but I do miss the lunches out. But, rather than grabbing a quick bite in between, I’d like to make that time together the focus. And with better food. Too many of the lunches involved ordering at a counter.

I’m a little surprised that I don’t miss shopping for clothes. With the weather warming up, I would have visited the mall at least once over the last two months. The fact that I haven’t missed that particular indulgence makes me think maybe it wasn’t the clothes. Maybe it was getting out for a few hours to be alone with my thoughts. Going to a park or visiting a museum or gallery would provide the same “me time” without the price tag.

Everything being cancelled this year has brought home the importance of taking advantage of opportunities when I can. There were more than a few things I meant to do but had put off… until it was too late. I don’t want to feel those regrets again.

How about you? Do you anticipate any personal long-term changes based on your experience over the last few months? Is there anything you hope to do more of – or less of – in the future?

GratiTuesday: Simple Pleasures

Despite the current global crisis, it wasn’t too difficult to find things to be grateful for this week. Although I’d love to snap my fingers and make this all go away, I have found that – just like before – it’s often the simple pleasures that give me the greatest joy.

Masks Made

I am not an accomplished seamstress, but I do have a sewing machine and plenty of unused fabric. After watching a few YouTube tutorials, I was able to make several cloth masks for my husband and me, as well as for friends who don’t have the same resources.

Food Delivered

We recently signed up for home delivery of produce and other food items and had our first box delivered to our doorstep today. It’s not the cheapest way to go, but these regular deliveries will cut down on our need to go to grocery stores.

Smiles Provided

Like a lot of people, I’ve been spending way too much time on my computer. Fortunately, in between the worry and stress, I’ve found moments of laughter and reasons to smile. Here are a couple of my favorites (with links), in case you’ve missed them:

John Krasinski, the actor, delivers good news from around the world via his in-home Some Good News “studio.” He has recorded two episodes so far and they are delightful. I guarantee his news will make you smile.

Although the J. Paul Getty Museum in Los Angeles may be closed, they have found a way to encourage people to remain engaged with art by challenging their social media followers to recreate a work of art with objects found around their homes. The submissions are wonderful and often hilarious. You can find the results all over social media, but here are a couple of links with examples.

The Iris (J. Paul Getty Museum blog)

My Modern Met

Sitting on the Deck of Bidet*

This is a reblog of a post from back in 2015. In light of the current toilet paper shortages, I thought I’d rerun it as a public service. You are welcome.

Like many Americans, I was first introduced to bidets when I traveled through Europe. It took me awhile to gain the required coordination and I never felt completely comfortable using one. The challenge was, after using the “regular’ toilet, I had to, with pants still down around my ankles, shuffle over to the bidet to experience the cleansing wash of water focused on my nether-regions. I remember feeling rather silly but certainly fresher and cleaner. Once back home, I don’t think I gave bidets a second thought. I was 28, what did I know?

None of the bathrooms on my European travels 30 years ago were this nice, but you get the idea. Image from archiproducts.com

Over the years I would see them in higher-end homes, but, even if I was tempted, I certainly didn’t have a bathroom big enough to hold two toilet-sized fixtures. Besides, bidets really seemed like an extravagance that was unnecessary in my life.

Then, several things happened that helped to change my mind:

As I’ve gotten older there have been things other than just my skin that have, let’s just say, loosened up.
Unlike the bidets I found in Europe, there are now toilet seat-integrated bidets — sort of a “one-stop-shop” on which to plop. What used to require not only a bathroom large enough for two fixtures, but also extensive re-plumbing, now takes up no extra room and can be installed in a few hours by a handy homeowner.
A dear friend whose opinion I value greatly speaks of her integrated bidet in terms that can only be described as worshipful adulation.
And, well, Costco.

After doing some, um, product testing at my friend’s house and a bit of online research, my husband and I began to think that getting a bidet might not be a bad idea. When we saw the integrated seats for sale at Costco, we figured the time had come to shit or get off the pot buy one. Now, we are converts.

Do you still have a conventional toilet? I shake my head in pity for you.

Is your toilet seat as cold as ice when you first sit down? My naked bum is welcomed by a soothingly warmed seat (especially nice for those middle-of-the-night sojourns).

When you are finished doing the deed, do you reach for dry toilet paper that (let’s be honest here) doesn’t do the job very well? Then, you use more and more tissue (at the risk of clogging up your plumbing) trying to remove all evidence? My tush is treated to a cleansing warm-water spray that leaves me feeling fresh and clean.

Ah-ha, you say, at least I don’t end up with a wet end! Well, actually, neither do I: after my bidet completes the rinse cycle, it finishes up by gently blow-drying my derriere with warmed air.

Oh, did I mention that it has a remote control?

I admit that our bidet has totally ruined me for regular toilet seats. Although not a fan of using public restrooms anyway, I now have an even stronger incentive to keep it together until I get home. If these things were portable, we would take ours with us on our travels. Having to use conventional toilets for an extended period is almost too much for my tush to tolerate.

Sales in America are tiny compared to the rest of the world but these integrated bidet seats are slowly gaining acceptance. There are several manufacturers (Kohler, Toto and Brondell are just three) and a variety of features available in different price ranges. As consumers start to appreciate the advantages of bidets (including better hygiene care for the disabled and elderly), I’m confident that they will become mainstream here too.

In the meantime, to those of you who haven’t promoted your potty yet, what are you waiting for? Relieve yourself of that seat that just sits there and treat your gluteus to maximus luxury. I guarantee that your bum won’t be bummed.

* Sincere apologies to the ghost of Otis Redding.

In this time…

I confess that I haven’t read Gabriel García Márquez’s Nobel Prize winning novel, Love in the Time of Cholera. The synopsis I found online said that it is about love, longing, heartbreak, redemption… and cholera. For some reason, the title of this book popped into my head as my husband and I prepare to spend a lot more time at home together.

The good news is that we like each other’s company. Since we both retired several years ago, we’ve balanced time spent together and time spent on our own or with others. While we enjoy many of the same interests and activities, we also are comfortable doing our own thing: reading, gardening, house projects, hobbies, etc. Having separate home offices and respecting each other’s need for “me time” has gone a long way to create a happy, healthy post-work relationship.

Unfortunately, in this time of the coronavirus, several events that we looked forward to attending have been cancelled. Museums and parks have been closed. Going out to lunch together – something we both enjoy – has become worrisome. Plans to get together with friends are being reconsidered. As the medical community and local governments ramp up their warnings, we find ourselves ramping down our interactions with others.

In this time of the coronavirus, we will need to depend on each other more. Lots of people will need support. Small business owners will struggle. Not everyone has the privilege of staying home from work with no negative financial impact. Many don’t have health insurance. Those who live alone will need someone to check in on them. Neighbors, especially those who are high risk, may need someone to get groceries for them.

In this time of the coronavirus, even as we hear more negative news, it’s important to savor the positive. Outside my office window, a gentle rain is falling. The trees are starting to bud and, just yesterday, I saw a bright yellow oriole – my first sighting of our seasonal visitor – perched on a branch. If I must stay home for a while, I have a stack of books that I look forward to reading and there are a few unfinished projects that I might actually get to.

In this time of the coronavirus, while we limit exposure, we can still affirm our love, welcome spring, plant some vegetables, watch a sunset, go for a walk, read a good book, listen to music, write a letter, call a friend, organize a closet, bake cookies, and enjoy the beauty around us. We may have to practice social distancing, but we don’t have to distance ourselves from much that nourishes us.

Realigning My Retirement

When Donna (Retirement Reflections), Kathy (Smart Living 365), and I started to plan last weekend’s blogger meet-up in Palm Desert, we asked each other to think of topics we wanted to discuss as a group. It didn’t take me long to pinpoint my #1 concern: “How can I better manage my time as a blogger?”

I know that I’m not alone in this struggle; I read posts regularly with the same basic topic: “I love to blog but it’s taking so much time out of my life.” Expanding the number of hours in a day doesn’t appear to be a viable option, so how do we find a better balance?

Before I retired, I thought about all the things I would do with my new freedom. Besides traveling and generally enjoying time with my husband and friends, I looked forward to activities like exploring my artistic side, focusing on healthy living, getting organized, cutting clutter, and joining a book club (or two). In addition to these plans and to give me an avenue to continue writing once I retired, I started this blog… just for fun.

During my four years in retirement, I’ve managed to keep very busy, but I realize that I’m currently devoting an inordinate amount of time to my “just for fun” blog to the detriment of my other desired pursuits.
When I started blogging, I searched for and eagerly followed other (mostly) retirement bloggers that I found compelling. As time went on, I expanded my follow list as I discovered even more interesting blogs. I loved the connections I was making and enjoyed the engagement and the interaction that comes with commenting and replying.

At our meet-up, I started to list the blogs I currently follow. When I got to 80 (and was still writing), I knew I was in trouble. Granted, I don’t write comments on all 80+ blogs, but I do on most of them. It was easy for me to see why I was feeling overwhelmed and overextended, and that something had to change.

Hibernating My Blog

Several bloggers I follow have taken a blogging break at different times for various reasons: some to travel, some to take care of loved ones, and some to allow time to pursue other interests. Donna took a complete break from all her electronic devices for seven weeks this past summer to better enjoy time with her family.

I have now decided to take a break too. My blog will go into hibernation during the months of November and December and, hopefully, wake up in the new year refreshed and renewed. During my time off, I won’t be posting or commenting on my blog nor will I read or comment on other blogs.

More of this, this, and this:

Less of this:

While realigning my retirement to focus on other pursuits, I will also be:

Corralling My Email Inbox

My inbox would make a sane person cry. I don’t know exactly how many emails are in there, but with all the blog post notices and other emails I get it must be approaching 1,000. I just about fell off my chair when Donna told me that she maintains a zero inbox (“Read, Act, Delete, or File”) I don’t know how she does it, but she is my hero. I want to get there.

Culling My Blog List

80+ blogs are just too many to read and comment on. To help me maintain a better life-balance, I need to determine which ones I especially love to read and best align with my interests. This will be a big challenge with so many great blogs out there but isn’t that a great problem to have?

Rethinking My Blog

Who knows what changes I will make to my blog, but I expect there will be some. After two months of hibernation it’s bound to awake a little leaner but also hungry to rejoin the blogging world.

November 1st is several days away (and I have one more post before then), but I am missing the blogging world already. The good news is that it’s in great hands and I’m comfortable that it will be here when I get back.

GratiTuesday: A Glorious Day

A beautiful spring day, temperatures in the low 70s, a cloudless blue sky, four friends who have known each other since elementary school, and a -0.81 low tide making the beach wide and the tide pools inviting.