Like many Americans, I was first introduced to bidets when I traveled through Europe. It took me awhile to gain the required coordination and I never felt completely comfortable using one. The challenge was, after using the “regular’ toilet, I had to, with pants still down around my ankles, shuffle over to the bidet to experience the cleansing wash of water focused on my nether-regions. I remember feeling rather silly but certainly fresher and cleaner. Once back home, I don’t think I gave bidets a second thought. I was 28, what did I know?
Over the years I’d see them in higher-end homes, but, even if I was tempted, I certainly didn’t have a bathroom big enough to hold two toilet-sized fixtures. Besides, bidets really seemed like an extravagance that was unnecessary in my life.
Then, several of things happened that helped to change my mind:
- As I’ve gotten older there have been things other than just my skin that have, let’s just say, loosened up.
- Unlike the bidets I found in Europe in my twenties, there are now toilet seat-integrated bidets — sort of a “one-stop-shop” for you to plop. What used to require not only a bathroom large enough for two fixtures but also extensive re-plumbing now takes up no extra room and can be installed in a few hours by a handy homeowner.
- A dear friend whose opinion I value greatly speaks of her integrated bidet in terms that can only be described as worshipful adulation.
- And, well, Costco.
After doing some, um, product testing at my friend’s house and a bit of online research, my husband and I began to think that getting a bidet might not be a bad idea. Then, we saw the integrated seats for sale at Costco and figured the time had come to shit or get off the pot buy one. Now, we are converts.
Do you still have a conventional toilet? I shake my head in pity for you.
Is your toilet seat as cold as ice when you first sit down? My naked bum is welcomed by a soothingly warmed seat (especially nice for those middle-of-the-night sojourns).
When you are finished doing the deed, do you reach for dry toilet paper that (let’s be honest here) doesn’t do the job very well? Then, you use more and more tissue (at the risk of clogging up your plumbing) trying to remove all evidence? My tush is treated to a cleansing warm-water spray that leaves me feeling fresh and clean.
Ah-ha, you say, at least I don’t end up with a wet end! Well, actually neither do I: after my bidet completes the rinse cycle, it finishes up by gently blow-drying my derriere with warmed air.
Oh, did I mention that it has a remote control?
I admit that our bidet has totally ruined me for regular toilet seats. Although not a fan of using public restrooms anyway, I now have an even stronger incentive to keep it together until I get home. If these things were portable, I would have taken ours with us on our recent road trip. Having to use conventional toilets for three weeks straight was almost too much for my tush to tolerate.
Sales in America are tiny compared to the rest of the world but these integrated bidet seats are slowly gaining acceptance. There are several manufacturers (Kohler, Toto and Brondell are just three) and a variety of features available in different price ranges. As consumers start to appreciate the advantages of bidets (including better hygiene care for the disabled and elderly), I’m confident that they will become mainstream here too.
In the meantime, to those of you who haven’t promoted your potty yet, what are you waiting for? Relieve yourself of that seat that just sits there and treat your gluteus to maximus luxury. I guarantee that your bum won’t be bummed.
Retirementally Challenged 
I experienced my first combo seat in (of all places) Hanoi. It was during one of my Global Volunteers tours of duty, so I was NOT staying at a luxury hotel. And we feel sorry for those third world people?
The only reason I didn’t have one installed the day after I got off the plane was the need for an electrical outlet. Ours are not in the right place. That is all changing because we are redoing parts of our house, and on the top of the ‘must have’ list were two strategically placed electrical outlets. (yep, we are putting one in the guest bath). Right now, a Brondell seat is waiting in a closet till the electrician can complete the all important task.
We have a Brondell too! Fortunately, we were able to bring an outlet over to our WC, and, fortunately, my husband is pretty handy. So far we only have one in the master bathroom but might consider one for the guest bath too… except then they might never leave!
What a great idea! I’ve never used one but it sounds so….clean!
Oh, you must get one! I have become a bidet evangelist… maybe I can get a sponsored post and get paid in free ones for my guest bathroom and powder room!
OMG. First I heard of the integrated toilet/bidet. My latest water bill had a notice not to flush those sanitary wipes one must use to get clean. But why a remote? Is someone going to control the toilet you are sitting on? What is the reason for it?
They don’t all have remotes. I guess it’s just for convenience. Some have the controls on the side, attached to the seat.
Who doesn’t like one-stop-shopping? Well done!
It’s way better than the side-by-side versions.
OMG the things I read in the blogosphere. But if you and Shelley are swearing by them, who am I to sneer into the toilet paper? I’ve never tried one despite European opportunities and cannot fathom how it ckeans without a good wipe or swipe. But mostly I probably wouldn’t sit still long enough for the blow dry.
I can, however, after your testimonial see these catch on as we age and become disabled so I’ll be the late grateful convert!!
You can’t go wrong with a Shelley and Janis endorsement! Blow drys are optional, as is bum warming. I always prefer my toilet seats to give me choices.
😊
BTW I loved your Otis Redding pun title. Too clever !!!
Your title needs to be sung to the tune of the classic Otis Redding song.
That is exactly why I came up with the title… I just love puns. I hope others got it too – otherwise it would be a little bit of a head scratcher. 🙂
I had a feeling that you planned it that way. Well done.
This is great, Janis…we are just about to remodel our master BR and add a bathroom. This is a good idea. We have a windsurfer friend whose company sells the fancy toilets with the warm seats, remote the whole shebang. I think since we are adding the bath, that is the way to go. I’ll check out Costco. And I am in full agreement with you on this 🙂
See my reply below. For some reason, it didn’t go on the thread. Sounds like you have a fun house project planned!
Just make sure you have an outlet placed next to the toilet. We actually ended up buying ours online after researching options. Our friend has a Toto, we have a Brondell. I think Costco was selling Kohlers. I’m sure they are all good.
Great idea! We can have that built in when we start! Thanks for the advice!
Well done! Funny!
Thank you! I really do like the product but it’s a bit hard to talk about. We (including me) can be so squeamish about normal human functions, right?
Thanks for stopping by!
Although I’ve never used a bidet, it always seemed like such a weird concept to me. Now I’m re-thinking the idea. You made an excellent point about improved hygiene for the disabled and elderly. Thanks for sharing your thoughts on this most personal topic!
We Americans think it’s odd, yet many (most?) Europeans wouldn’t think of not having one. I wondered when I posted this what kind of reaction I would get… so far it’s been positive… whew!
Your title alone deserves applause. Very entertaining–and you make a good case for the Euro-peein’ alternative.
Good one! I see you like puns too! Thanks for stopping by and commenting.
I’ve never so- it sounds like it has its charms.
Charming and alarming.. it takes awhile to get used to!
1. The only time I used one I may have been cleaner but I was also wetter. Much, much wetter. Not a plus, in my opinion.
2. We visited friends in Japan, where some public toilets have not just handles but entire control panels. Our friends’ advice was (a) don’t mess with them because you don’t know what’ll happen and (b) if you do give in to the temptation to punch buttons, don’t scream when things start happening..
If one has the blow dryer option than one’s bum doesn’t stay wait for long! All the little buttons do take some getting used to. I don’t think I’d be too comfortable using a bidet that had unfamiliar settings. I’m not surprised to find out that they aren’t common in the UK either.
Bidet is great for ensuring the hygiene matter. It can be a great solution for my family to avoid using toilet paper. Thanks for sharing your great thoughts….
The only downside is that we can’t take it with us when we travel 🙂
OMG – this is brilliant! The warm air dry at the end was unexpected. I wish I had seen this in 2015.
It’s going on the To Do List 🙂
Once you have one installed, you’ll never want to use an inferior loo again. Maybe I’ll fix a few grammatical mistakes (why don’t I see them when I first hit post?) and repost for those who are currently toilet paper challenged.
Damn – I wrote this really great response and now I’ve lost it. I really should know better than to try to use WP on my iPad.
…. let’s just pretend I said something profound 😉
… but yes, this post is worth a second publication!
🙂
Wow! Mind blown. And a warming gust of air at the…er…end😜. I have to look for one of these after I move house.
Deb
Oh yeah. They are definitely bad-ass approved! All you need is an electrical outlet close to the base.
That’ll be the first thing I look for in a new place😁
Hi Janis! Yes, I definitely missed this one the first time around. Who knew that it was one of your “favorite” household accessories!!! I confess we stayed in a luxury hotel in Hanoi a year or so ago with one of the fanciest toilets I’d ever seen. I think it came with a butler!!!! But honestly, neither Thom nor I could “adapt”…not sure why, it just wasn’t “us.” Please don’t judge what that might mean!!! But we did REALLY like the warm seat especially in the middle of the night. Oh and BTW…you did a brilliant job of writing up this post! ~Kathy
Your comment about the toilet butler reminded me of an old Saturday Night Live bit with Robert De Niro. Anyway, I won’t judge… but you might want to consider a less fancy bidet (without the butler). Thanks for the encouragement. I think I will repost.