Happiness – Page 4 – Retirementally Challenged

GratiTuesday: Building bridges, not walls

We had several choices of airlines and flights when we booked our travel to Oaxaca. Several of the major U.S. airlines offer flights, but all of them required stops in between and planes changes along the way. Fortunately for us, we were able to book our flight on a Mexican airline that offered a non-stop flight from the Tijuana International Airport to Oaxaca. By flying out of Tijuana rather than our city’s airport, our flight was quicker, cheaper, and only required a 5-minute walk across the border over a 390-foot-long bridge to reach the airport.

The picture is a little blurry, but so were we as we set off to board our 1:10 am flight to Oaxaca.

The Cross Border Xpress (CBX) terminal and bridge was financed by private U.S. and Mexican investors. Since its opening in 2015, an average of 4,800 passengers walk over the enclosed pedestrian skywalk each day to catch flights originating in Tijuana or return from trips to Mexico. It is believed to be to only such cross-border facility in the world.

Thank goodness for clear, bilingual signs.

The point on the bridge where we enter another country.

The CBX facility on the U.S. side of the border.

This was the second time we have taken advantage of the CBX Bridge to fly domestically from Tijuana to another city in Mexico. Our first experience, when we flew to La Paz a year ago, went so smoothly – even with our limited Spanish language skills – that we did not hesitate to travel that way again.

I am so grateful to those with the vision – and the finances – to imagine bridges across borders rather than envision walls. Although I understand that countries have to protect their borders, by working together and extending a hand of friendship and support, mutually beneficial outcomes can be realized. The CBX Bridge is an example of collaborative thinking and long-term planning. Just what we need more of these days.

GratiTuesday: Sheltering animals waiting for their forever homes

Anytime I replace our towels or sheets, the old ones get laundered, folded, and taken to our local Humane Society, where they are used as bedding or to clean the enclosures. The staff is always so happy to receive the items, and I get an excuse to spend time hanging out with the beautiful cats and dogs (and guinea pigs and rabbits) waiting to be adopted.

This past Sunday, after I delivered a pile of towels, I decided to sit down in the brightly lit lobby and watch the human animals for a while. Since it was the weekend, there were a lot of visitors searching for a new friend to bring home with them. The staff, made up mostly by volunteers, was busy caring for the animals, interacting with the visitors, and doing the work necessary to keep the place humming along. Everyone seemed cheerful – and who wouldn’t be, surrounded by all that unconditional love.

Who’s a good boy?

Some of the enclosures are beautifully decorated

This one almost ended up coming home with me

Or, maybe this one

Although all the animals I saw on Sunday were happy and healthy, that is not always the case. Just recently, 123 Yorkshire terriers were discovered living in horrific conditions in a hoarding situation. The good news is that after evaluation, treatment, and behavioral care, most of the Yorkies were made available for adoption, and all of those have found a home. This incident was especially challenging, but, unfortunately, not terribly rare.

I am so grateful for our local Humane Society for the compassionate work they do. They provide vital services by sheltering and adopting animals, providing positive reinforcement training classes, investigating animal cruelty and neglect, and presenting education programs. It is a private, nonprofit organization that receives no government funding and is supported solely by contributions, and the fees they charge for services. Best of all, once a healthy or treatable animal becomes available for adoption, it will remain available for as long as is necessary to find them a home.

Donor's names areengraved on each tag — Donors’ names are engraved on each tag

Even if you aren’t in a position to adopt a furry friend from your local Humane Society or animal shelter, they are probably looking for volunteers or donations. It doesn’t have to take a lot of time or money to make a difference and you’ll probably get much more in return that what you are able to give.

GratiTuesday: My Funny Valentine

My husband cracks me up. He doesn’t tell a lot of jokes, not in the conventional sense anyway (“Did you hear the one about…”), but his silliness quotient is pretty high. In fact, he can be a total dork… and I love it.

Having a good sense of humor is one of the most important traits I looked for in anyone I’m going to spend time with, let alone live with. If someone can laugh at themselves and find the humor in less-than-humorous situations, it is a sign of self-confidence and flexibility. Who wants to hang out with anyone who needs to maintain a polished image or present their best self at all times? People who generally feel good about themselves and aren’t too self-conscious are usually confident enough to be silly. And being silly is when life gets fun.

I love our inside jokes… some that date back to the first days of our relationship. I love how just one word or look can instantly recall a funny story that resides in both of our memories. I love how we riff off of each other when one of us starts a silly streak, and the other picks it up, adds to it, and then sends it back for more. I love how we can laugh at ourselves and – gently – laugh at each other, confident that we are safe in each other’s heart.

funny4a

We don’t celebrate Valentine’s Day in traditional “Hallmark Holiday” ways; we don’t go out to dinner nor do we give each other gifts of flowers or chocolates. In fact, we spend Valentine’s Day pretty much like any other day… but that’s OK. As long as our day contains a fair amount of fun and a good dose of silliness, I have all the hearts and romance I need.

I am so grateful to my husband for bringing his special brand of joy and laughter into our marriage. I wouldn’t trade my funny valentine for any other.

GratiTuesday: A Most Perfect Day

My husband and I stopped buying each other special occasion gifts a long ago. Not only would we rather purchase items as they are needed, but, like so many people our age, we are more interested in getting rid of things than acquiring them.

What I can’t buy for myself – but certainly need more of – is quality time spent hanging out with my best friend. So, when my birthday rolled around a few days ago, I asked my husband for a day doing exactly what I wanted: a day spent with him, exploring one of our area’s most beautiful cities – Coronado.

We’ve been having an unusual amount of rain in Southern California this winter. It has come in waves… a few rainy days interspersed with cloudy days, then rain again. Because of our persistent drought none of us are complaining, but every so often, in between the rainstorms, we get a day that just sparkles. And, two days after my birthday, they were predicting one of those days – a perfect day.

It wasn't exactly on my birthday... but it was Elvis's birthday so it rocked. — It wasn’t exactly on my birthday… but it was Elvis’s birthday so it rocked.

Coronado Island, a small beach community just west of San Diego’s downtown, is home to the North Island Naval Air Station and the headquarters of the U.S. Navy Seals, but is probably best known for the historic Hotel del Coronado. You might recognize it if you’ve ever see the 1958 movie “Some Like It Hot” (starring Marilyn Monroe, Tony Curtis, and Jack Lemmon), which was filmed on its grounds.

marilyn-monroe-and-turret-pg183-copy — Marilyn.

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Surrounded by San Diego Bay and the Pacific Ocean, Coronado’s beaches go on for miles and the views are breathtaking.

The view of downtown across San Diego Bay.

After spending the day strolling on the beach, enjoying lunch in a lovely outdoor courtyard, admiring the gorgeous views, and exploring the grand Hotel del, we headed home… where the Caramelized Orange Birthday Cheesecake my husband made for me was waiting.

I am so grateful for being able to spend this most perfect day in the most perfect way.

Friendships beyond the bond of work

There are a few very special people I’ve met through work with whom I’ve maintained contact over the years. Some I met multiple jobs ago, and others I met at my last place of employment before I retired. Although it’s not unusual to have a variety of work friends while being employed under the same roof, continuing the relationships after the commonality of work is over can be difficult. Often you discover that work was the glue. Once the glue is gone, it is easy for the bonds to separate and disappear.

The workplace friends who are still in my life are there because work was the catalyst, not the glue.

One of these friends and I had been trying to arrange a get together for a while. She still works so doesn’t have the same flexibility as I do. Finally, we were able to arrange a time and date that worked for us both. It wasn’t until we met that day that she mentioned that it was her birthday.

This is a woman with lots of friends. She also has family close by. But, she chose to spend part of her birthday with me. How nice is that?

Overlooking Balboa Park, from the top of the California Tower

We chose to meet in one of our city’s most beautiful parks, on what turned out to be a gorgeous fall day. A perfect place and perfect weather in which to stroll, chat, laugh, observe, confide, and just be.

We rendezvoused at about 9 a.m. and we didn’t say good-bye until around 2 p.m. We spent the day enjoying each other’s company as we wondered around the park, visited a few museums, and had a lovely lunch on an outdoor patio. Our conversation easily flowed from one subject to another and we both mentioned how nice it was to spend the day without a schedule or an agenda. Other than encouraging her to retire at the first opportunity, very little of our conversation was about work. It was a perfect day with a dear friend.

I am lucky that I still live in the community where I grew up and spent a majority of my working life because, like many people, I find it harder to make new friends as I get older. Children naturally gravitate to each other, school often brings kindred spirits together, and most working environments encourage engagement among colleagues. Now that I am retired, it can be difficult to build a new connection beyond superficial interactions. My blogger friend, Liesbet, recently wrote about the difficulties of making friends while living a less anchored lifestyle. If I were to move and start all over, I’m not sure how well I would do.

Fortunately, at least for now, I don’t need to worry. I just need to get more of my friends to retire so we can get together during the middle of the week.

And not talk about work.

GratiThursday: What I don’t need

I postponed my weekly GratiTuesday post until today when we celebrate Thanksgiving in the United States. So, just for today, this is a GratiThursday post.

cicero

As I took apart our newspaper this morning, I was struck by how many Black Friday ads it contained. Dollars off this, a huge percentage off that. Best of all, you can take advantage of these tremendous offers TODAY! Get to the stores early… fire up your computer… shop!

As I dumped all of the advertising flyers into our recycling bin, I thought about how grateful I am that I don’t need any of what was being advertised. I didn’t even really want any of it either.

At this stage of my life, I choose quality over quantity and I do more with less. Just like an artist knows the worth of incorporating negative space in their paintings or photographs, I don’t need to fill up all of the open spaces of my world. I have fallen in love with my life just the way it is.

I am so very grateful for the abundance in my life.

GratiTuesday: Memories of family vacations

As I was growing up, family vacations usually involved long road trips in our Ford (always a Ford) station wagon, pitching tents, and sitting around camp fires. Even if Disney Cruises existed back in the 50s and 60s, I doubt if our sole-breadwinner father supporting a family of five, could have afforded such an extravagance. So, just about every summer, we went camping.

Looking back, I can’t imagine having any richer memories then the ones I have exploring the wonders of our national parks with my family. Over the years, the parks we visited included Yosemite, Sequoia, Kings Canyon, Crater Lake, Grand Canyon, Bryce, and Zion. We hiked, fished, rode horses, traded stories around camp fires, and learned about the importance of preserving our natural heritage.

On a recent trip to Northern California to visit family, my husband and I decided to take a “slight” detour through Yosemite National Park. It had been over 30 years since my last visit, and my husband had never been there before. Although we only had about a half a day, it was enough time to take in a few of the “must-see” sights and perhaps plan for a longer stay sometime in the future.

As we drove to Glacier Point – which offers commanding views of Yosemite Valley, Half Dome, and the High Sierra – something about the wall along the road looked very familiar. Deep within my memory was an image of a picture my father had taken many years ago of me looking out over the valley. In hopes of recreating the shot, I positioned myself in what I thought was a similar pose and had my husband take my picture.

Although it turned out that we weren’t in quite the same spot as before (Half Dome was much further in the distance in the old photo), I am pretty pleased with the result.

A little later in the day, while hiking around the valley floor, I took a picture of Half Dome from across a meadow. Home from our trip, I was looking through my old family photo album for the picture of me sitting on the wall and found another picture of my father’s that was quite similar to the one I had taken.

I am so grateful that my parents introduced me to the joys of camping and to appreciate the miracles of nature. I cherish the memories I have of those childhood vacations and the times we spent together as a family.

The tyranny of stuff

When my husband and I retired, getting rid of excess stuff was one of our primary goals. Although our home wouldn’t qualify for hoarder status, it carried the baggage of stuff collecting that had taken place over the years. Because we both had acquired stuff before we met, a good amount of that stuff was transferred from our individual homes into our shared home. And, of course, stuff continued to enter our home after we got married. Then, after my parents died, some of their stuff also found its way into our growing collection.

Now, several years into retirement, we still have too much stuff. Although we’ve done a pretty good job of curtailing the in-flow of more stuff, the out-flow hasn’t gone as easily as we had hoped it would. We don’t have too much of a problem identifying stuff to be tossed or stuff to be donated; it’s the stuff we no longer want but has value – real or sentimental – that is more difficult to manage.

We had high hopes that eBay would be the perfect way to get rid of lots of stuff and bring in some money in the process. Although we’ve used it to sell several dozen items and we intend to sell more, we have found that the process takes a lot of time. When we started out, we put just about anything up for auction, regardless of its hoped for selling price. We once sold some used cycling cleat covers (yes, someone wanted them) for $8.00, plus shipping. But, after we figured the time it took to research an asking price (yes, there were similar cleat covers being sold), write copy, take pictures, post the ad, then package and mail them when they sold, we were lucky if we made $3 an hour. Other items, of course, have sold for much more, which made the process worth it. As a result, we have become more discriminating about what is worth selling and what we should donate or post for free on Craig’s List.

Our push to get rid of stuff has ramped up lately. We are enjoying living a less-cluttered life and a better functioning home. We like having a few cabinets that are actually empty. The closet in our guest room has space for guests’ clothes. I no longer seldom am embarrassed when friends or neighbors stop by unexpectedly. As long as they stay out of our offices and the catch-all room upstairs, the illusion of having a well-curated home is maintained.

But, just living with less clutter day-to-day isn’t the only reason we want to get rid of more stuff. We are also looking at a few long-term advantages. Having a home that we could temporarily swap for, say, one in the south of France would extend our travel budget. Renting our house while we take off for extended adventures could provide income and security. Either possibility would be easier to accomplish if our home had less stuff and more space.

When I was younger, I loved acquiring stuff. Now, I view most stuff as unnecessary, restricting and complicating. Slowly, I’m winnowing down my wardrobe to have fewer, but more versatile clothes. Our shelves are being freed of clutter, leaving only a few, carefully selected items. The tabletop piles of paper are being swept away and replaced with… nothing.

Very gradually, we are freeing our home of the tyranny of stuff and welcoming the liberation of having space.

GratiTuesday: Lucky Thirteen

My husband and I were married thirteen years ago, on the thirteenth of September, after being together for thirteen years.

We didn’t plan it that way; it was just how everything happened to align.

One of my husband’s favorite anecdotes about our getting married is that he never really asked me to marry him.

It’s true, at least in the formal, romantic proposal, actually asking me sense…

A little over a year before we were married, we attended his high school reunion in northern California. I didn’t grow up in the same community so most of the people there were strangers to me. During the event, introductions were uncomfortable since most people assumed that I was his wife. Referring to me as his “date” wasn’t at all correct, “partner” sounded stiff and business-like, and I was certainly more than a “girlfriend” (by that time we owned a home together).

On our drive home, I told him how awkward I felt because we didn’t have a simple way to define our relationship to others. That’s when he very innocently said, “Well, maybe we should think about getting married.” Silly man… I was thinking that it was about time too and, before he knew what hit him, we had a date set and wedding plans beginning to form.

wedding

I am so very grateful for my husband and the life we have built together. Although it took us thirteen years to make it official, we’ve been together for twenty-six years and I’d happily marry him again today (whether he asked me or not). God knows we can drive each other crazy at times, but the inscription on our wedding invitation thirteen years ago is still true today:

This day I will marry my friend…

The one I laugh with, dream with,

live for and love.

Oh, Ottawa!

Oh Canada you're looking good for 149 and with Justin on the Hill it's only getting better, keep it Trudeau Canada! — Oh Canada you’re looking good for 149 and with Justin on the Hill it’s only getting better, keep it Trudeau Canada!

We had mixed feelings as we left Toronto and made our way to Ottawa, the penultimate stop on our road trip (the last stop would be an overnight stay close to the airport in Montreal). We had been traveling for almost a month and were a bit homesick, but we also were having a great time and didn’t want the trip to end.

Our Airbnb apartment in Ottawa was definitely the nicest one we experienced on our trip. The host, a young, self-described “day-trader” who owned several apartments in the building, was helpful and very welcoming. The apartment was clean, quiet, nicely decorated, and well-located. Once we parked our rental (free parking was included – bonus!), we were able to walk everywhere we wanted to.

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Parliament Hill is the political and cultural heart of Ottawa. The Gothic-style government buildings overlooking the Ottawa River are open for free guided tours (the tickets are first-come, first-served, so get them early). Our tour of the Centre Block building ended with an elevator ride to the top of the Peace Tower which provided sweeping views of the city and the river.

Another tourist favorite during the summer months is the Changing of the Guard ceremony, which takes place each morning on the front lawn of Parliament Hill.

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The Rideau Canal is the oldest continuously operated canal system in North America. There are 45 locks along the 125 mile (202 kilometer) length of the canal. It was completed in 1832 as a precaution in case of war with the United States and remains in use today primarily for pleasure boating (and ice skating in the winter). The canal begins (or ends, depending on the direction of travel) in Ottawa where the large wooden lock doors are opened and closed using hand cranks. The park surrounding the locks was beautiful and we spent a relaxing few hours just watching the process of the boats making their way up through the gates.

Maman

Eeek! Spider eggs!

Standing on very spindly legs next to the world-class National Gallery of Canada is the Maman sculpture by Louise Bourgeois – a 30-foot bronze cast of a spider. The title is the French word for Mother, which explains the sac on her belly containing 26 marble eggs. Similar Maman sculptures can also be found at art museums in the UK, Spain, Japan, South Korea, and the US.

We also enjoyed exploring the historic and trendy ByWard Market, one of Canada’s oldest and largest public markets. It was just a few blocks from our apartment and the four-block area was full of shops, cafes, pubs, and galleries.

As we left Ottawa after only a few days, we once again felt that our too-short stay only allowed us to scratch the surface of this beautiful city. I’d love to return some day and explore all that we missed this time around.